Squatting and Peeing

Wednesday, January 30th, 2008  9:30 p.m.

Last Saturday night, upon finishing my portion of my 5,000 word essay, I decided to go out with the Binnenhaven family. We began the night at the Flemish Bar (surprised?) where we met up with Ivo and Stephan, our Dutch friends. After a few rounds, we headed to a squatter's party. I feel that I have already established that the Netherlands is crazy, but in case anyone missed that point, let me say: DUTCH PEOPLE ARE NOT NORMAL or, in another form, THE DUTCH ARE INSANE! So, that being said, in the Netherlands, if a building is left empty for more than a year, "squatters" are allowed to occupy it. A squatter is not really a homeless person in the sense that we know them in the states; they are, rather, people who just don't want to pay rent. Most squatters are students at the University who simply don't want to pay for housing and don't mind living on the floor of an abandoned building. But, squatters are, stereotypically, "interesting" folk. Picture dark clothing, dreadlocks, chains, lots of eyeliner, tights with rips in them, plain outright sketchy-looking people. That sentence makes me sound shallow, but I am trying to develop a mental picture here, so work with me. 

Anyway, imagine walking down a dark alleyway towards a dark building with loud techno music coming from it. The people walking past you are all sketchy-looking (as described above) and talking in a foreign language. You enter the building and the only light source is candles in wine and beer bottles, which naturally creates creepy shadows on the walls. There are people everywhere, many crouched in corners and laying all over the place, and others dancing. Because of the low lighting, you can't see anyone's faces so they appear as squatter-looking mummies. You are in a group of about 15, all of whom are dressed in pea-coats or ski jackets and scarves of bright colors; you don't fit in. The Dutch Mad Dog kicks in (that horrible Dutch stare, remember?) and you stare straight ahead to keep from staring back. The place is an old school building so it winds and twists with classrooms and stairwells. Each room is filled with people in corners and weird candles. It is like a rave haunted house on drugs. I am sure that everyone there was on drugs and I wouldn't be surprised if they were all diseased as well. We made one lap around and bolted. In all honestly, I pushed for the bolt; I got scared. I am usually up for a lot of things, but that was too much for even me. I now feel cultured, but I have no intention of EVER going there again. The Dutch government must be run by idiots to make that kind of living legal. Squatting is too liberal for even Jessica Leigh Stein.  

On a happier note: 

Lately I have been suffering from Min-Tip (MOVE I NEED TO IMMEDIATELY PISS Syndrome). I have concluded that Min-Tip is an unfortunate circumstance when one goes from a freezing cold temperature to an extremely warm one and, as a result, instantly has to pee. This seems to occur in my body  on a regular basis. Every-time I step into Binnenhaven, the urge to pee floods over me. Not a, "oh, maybe I have to go to the ladies room now" urge, it's more of a "I HAVE TO EXPLODE" urge. Similar to a "grab the crouch and run" urge. The real issue is not the fact that I have to pee, for we have many restrooms in my dorm; it is the fact that toilet paper is not communal. Upon entering the building, then, I have two options: use the bathroom and shake dry or attempt to unlock my room, grab the tp, and make it to the restroom without dribbling (very risky and, in my experience, not usually successful). Be assured, though, that upon realization of the Min-Tip issue, I begun carrying an ENTIRE roll of toilet paper with me at all times. You just never know when it will strike.

We only get a few TV channels in the Haven, one is VH1 and the other is CNN. The TV is constantly on, so I am beginning to feel very informed about world news. I also, unfortunately, have to endure VH1. I have come to the conclusion that VH1 is ran by flying purple monkeys with rabies. Yesterday VH1 was playing a set of music videos entitled "Top 10 worst collaborations". Why would a company attempting to gain viewers ever show music videos that fall into a "Top 10 worst" category? Seriously, it makes no sense. I am baffled. Really. 

While I was cooking breakfast the other day my friend Ben walked in and began making eggs. After a few minutes, he looked over at me and, in a completely serious voice said, "Hey Jess, what kind of wine do you drink with ham and eggs?" I almost peed my pants.

And now I think I am having a Min-Tip moment. Must go.

           Jess